gukeping

本来一直不提倡太早教孩子英语或是什么其他的东西。但是幼儿园的老师要教英语，担心自己的孩子发音什么的没学好，再者孩子马上小学了，无妨做作准备。没想半年下来，还真有不少收获。先给大家看个我教孩子学英语的视频（见下面键连），具体的经验教训有时间再写。

 

 

 

 

网易报道有对父母在网上为自己被拐走的儿子过没有主人公的生日会，让人唏嘘感叹。查看网友的留言，有人说在杭州有个乞讨的小孩和被拐小孩很像，并留下了电话号码。默默祈祷可怜的父母早日抱回自己的乖乖宝宝。 

自己没有为人父母，真不知道那种撕心裂肺的痛苦。回想起前年儿子生病住院的日子，我几乎濒临崩溃，然而不同的是，只要孩子还在身边，就有希望，就有信念，而这对父母心中还有多少希望？拐卖儿童的人固然千刀万剐，可是更应该打击那些卖小孩的人。 

如果小孩被卖到别人家里做子女，还算好命。《平民窟里的百万富翁》里面的那些小孩被拐之后被弄残去乞讨，这才是更大的悲剧，这种现象在中国绝对不是没有。经常看到广州大街上带着小孩祈祷的大人们，我一概不给一分钱。怎么知道这些孩子不是拐卖来的？如果真是，自己无形中岂不是助纣为虐？如果不是，那么可耻的是大人，有手有脚的，为什么利用孩子来获取同情心？ 

每次看到网上的悲剧，在同情悲伤的同时，自己更加庆幸自己的幸福。又因为自己能够给孩子一个安全的快乐的环境而感到些许的自豪。这段时间儿子感冒咳嗽有一两个礼拜了，但是都不要紧，毕竟他已经4岁多了。昨天晚上半夜里他咳嗽起来，吵得我没法入睡。白天努力工作了一整天，晚上休息不好又影响第二天的学习，我自然有点不耐烦，于是不住骂他。 

“咳嗽咳嗽，咳那么多干什么？谁让你不听话，乱脱衣服？还贪吃甜食吗？” 

孩子没有做声，但是我马上有后悔了，孩子也不想咳嗽啊。这时候老婆和孩子在一个床，我在旁边的另外一张，黑暗中我看不见他，只听见他一会一会的咳嗽。 

“怎么回事？”我说，一边钻到他们的床上，儿子马上翻身起来，有点恐慌地用手指轻轻地碰我的指尖，目光游离地看着我。 

我一把把他抱在怀里，拍着他的后背想让他舒服一点，一边轻轻的安慰他。这时宝宝已经抽泣起来，不停的用手摸眼泪，虽然没有哭出声来，小脸由于强忍哭泣已经扭曲了。小孩的悲痛我们大人怎么能理解？他害怕失去爸爸的爱，他一定感到他受到太多的委屈，而这时只要爸爸一个温柔的拥抱就可以把的感情的堤坝冲垮。想起我小的时候，我父亲打骂我之后，我强忍着眼泪躲在墙角里生闷气，爸爸过来用手摸摸我的脑袋，眼泪便哗哗地下来了。 

眼前的这个小天使不就是这样的吗？我把他报到小床来，一手抱着他，不一会他就睡着了。有爱的孩子是幸福的，会爱的父母也是幸福的。懂爱，使得这个世界多么的美好。

假期里要写一篇约稿，春节也不回家乡了。每天悠悠闲闲的读读书，打打球，陪陪老婆孩子，倒也过的挺好。

大年三十，初一，元宵照例收到很多短信，也就看看了，也不去回复。我想只要心里惦念着朋友，亲戚也就可以了，短信不短信的没关系。发了短信当然也不错，怎么也帮助了中国移动渡过金融危机（？）但是不发短信，怎么别人怎么只都你在挂念着？那就要看是否心有灵犀了。我本来是慵懒的人（说得好听点是好清净），了解的，自然也就了解了。

离开学其实还远，大概两周，本来不是结算的时候，不过现在数一数，感到收获还是很大的。写了一篇文章，理论的书籍读了一本，名著读完一本，法语有所精进。更重要的是，一位师长某日见了我说，你的气色好多了。既读了书，又为下学期的攻读打下坚实的基础，够充实的了。

虽然没有回家乡和父母过年。但是这不重要。你认认真真的过好每一天，春节和平时又有什么不同呢？

近日斯诺克中国公开赛上奥沙利文爆粗，多少也是体育界一个热点，有趣地点缀了我有点单调的生活。为了满足一下自己的好奇心，上网看了奥沙利文记者招待会上的短片。除了看到所谓英国绅士的真面目之外，还看到了别的东西：奥沙利文自然是只乱咬的疯狗，却也是文化冲突的牺牲品。当然不能希望这种人在来中国之前读读中国文化读本，比如辜鸿铭的《中国人的精神》什么的，（其实我根本就怀疑此“君”会读任何书籍）但是跟朋友了解一下中国人的文化习惯，也许他就不会那么不耐烦。

 

网易的报道说，有个记者在提问的时候，奥沙利文说，“见他妈的鬼，这是世界上最长的问题。”我听了一下该记者的提问，的确比较长，但是那是中国人提问的方式啊：一般中国听众或是记者提问的时候，不是直接提出问题，而是先将背景知识，或是演讲者的内容总结一下，或是，比如此例，把奥沙利文的表现评论一番，到最后再提出自己的问题，难怪乎所谓的英国绅士说是世界上最长的问题了。你英国人发问的时候习惯直来直入，可是你这是在中国的地盘，入乡随俗都不知道吗。

 

不过有一点要提醒我们的记者，采访之余还是要多学学文化知识，到了别人的地盘，也要知道入乡随俗才好。

儿子很小的时候都会唱那首儿歌，“我有一个好爸爸，好爸爸，...，打起屁股，PIA...，”这似乎就是我的写照。昨天，今天已经连续两天打了儿子，尽管自己已经发过很多决心不要打孩子，尽管每次打完他之后自己又心痛后悔不已。每次打孩子，主要的原因总是现在他只要得不到什么东西转眼就会哭，开始我还可以忍受，但是他会一直哭个不停，越哭越厉害，直到大人妥协为止。孩子最近一直断断续续的生病，咳嗽哮喘，而他一旦哭泣，很容易诱发咳嗽，爷爷奶奶哪里受得住，基本马上妥协了。似乎孩子已经知道，哭泣是他最有效的武器。我和他妈妈有时看到他哭到厉害的时候，也会让步，但是我更多的时候会勃然大怒，动手打他，一般是威胁他把他丢出去，或是用手把他推开，打打屁股，不会伤及孩子。可是在孩子的眼中看来，可能我基本就是个恶魔，他特别害怕被拿到门外，有时也会吓得他哭喊着妥协，这时候我一般会给他一点补偿，对他进行怀柔手段，同时教育他为什么会打他，他这时候才会停下来。

我真地不知道是不是孩子有时候也要打一打的？如果总是让着他，他是不是会觉得自己只要一哭，就没有什么得不到的？有一次我就是试着不打他，也绝然不妥协，结果是他一直哭到嗓子沙哑，甚至哭到尿了裤子。更多的时候是不打实在是无法忍受...我本来不是没有修养的人，但是不打他，他就不知道世界上有害怕两个字。但是要是打了他，会不会对他心理造成不良阴影？而每次打过他，又是痛在心里，孩子毕竟是自己的心头之肉，那是切肤之痛啊，毕竟孩子绝大部分的时间都是什么听话可爱的。

打，还是不打，孩子已经三岁多了，依然是我没有搞清楚的哈姆雷特式的问题。

听周芳说她教授的两个班级那天在做自创的诗朗诵，学生们激情澎湃。我的诗作一般不拿来现人，如今兴致来了，姑且和大家分享。

诗中的意味，大家自己去品吧。

Again, on this starless summery winter midnight,

I dragged myself up onto the 4th floor's height,

When suddenly I sensed someone at my back staring,

Like an old friend's hand over my shoulder gently caressing:

 

I turned to look down from my yellow patched flat,  

And there on the vigilant camera, sat a white hairy cat,

Motionless as an aged saga, preaching

And silently preaching, with great eyes glowing.

 

Hello, I said, smiling, only a little dreary,

And thought of a colleague with his wild cats story,

Wild cats that lived away from the locked coziness,

And hunger themselves with a live so humanless.

 

Are you one of them? I demanded, complacently,

smiling, but a little more weary,

And flashed the cat into the darkness with a cry so scary

That I shuddered as if thrown into a ghost party.

 

What a life, I sighed an empty sigh,

and turned quickly inside, without a questioning "why."

 

 

 

Memories can either be a burden or a lift. A happy memory in childhood may eventually lead to one’s success. However, any happy memory may also lead to a person’s downfall. There was this saying, we should learn from the past and implement all useful findings in our present, and this is so that we will have a better future.[U1] 

Good opening paragraph. A slight problem is that the 3^rd sentence and the 4^th one are loosely connected, making the transition rather abrupt. Another weakness is the lack of reasoning of why a happy memory may lead to one’s success and at the same time, lead to one’s downfall. You use impressive examples to support your thesis; so two or three sentences of explanation here would make better balance the essay.

 

Michael Bedner, the chairman of HBA, has always told me to remember the good and bad of every project. He has demonstrated well enough how memories play a role in his success. As a designer he had to communicate with different management teams. It was very difficult when he had to deal with fussy boss[U2] . His design had to be changed many times and a well planned schedule might in turn become suffocating. [U3] Now, he is an all rounded sales man and a wonderful designer who always knows what a customer wants. He learnt from this memories, incorporates different sales tactics to make people believe he is the best. He learnt [U4] from his memories so that he knows some design works for Americans but some only works for Asians.

 

To me, memories didn’t play too much a role in making me successful. Living in the memories of the days with my step mother made me lonely person. I chose not to believe anyone as they may turn me in to my step mother so that I can get a good scold.[U5]  I chose not to believe my father, who always thought she was the best. All that I could remember about her was how I had to wash her clothes with my bare hands for 4 years. I had to wake 3 hours earlier than her, so that I can[U6]  make the best breakfast for her and her beloved daughter.

 

Again, there is actually no transition between the 2^nd and the 3^rd paragraph. Most readers would experience a “break” when they turn from the former to the latter. Besides, I can sense your personal hatred towards your stepmother. Personal feelings may appeal to some readers, but the tactics can also be a double-edged weapon.

These memories can never be waved away; they have once be a burden to me. I walked out the shadow. Memories should come in negative and positive ones.[U7]  If one’s memory happens to be a bad one.[U8]  Whether it is helpful to one’s success has still depend on his ability to trim them to useful entity. Otherwise, he has to live and suffer for a very long time.

 

The major problem of the essay is that it does not hold a strong position. This is best manifested in the conclusion when you write: Whether it is helpful to one’s success has still depend on his ability ……. This is not a strong position; it’s wavering between two points.

 

 

 

A loss, hard fought, is more valuable than an easy victory

 

A loss, hard fought, is more valuable than an easy victory. But many people don’t seem to understand it. We often read in the sports section of newspapers how our national football team, after a competitive game against the team of another country, was severely criticized by the public. This reflects a general characteristic of people’s attitude towards their conduct: people are much more concerned about the outcome of a project, than the process of achieving it. If the football team won the game, the players would always be hailed as heroes; otherwise, they would be treated as if their endeavor meant nothing at all.

 

We hold the same attitude not only towards others’ actions, but also towards our own undertakings. If we fail an exam, we tend not to forgive ourselves for many days on end; if we are defeated in a sports competition, we take it as the end of the world. Sometimes we cry over a hard fought loss, so much that we can not see the benefits that come together with it. But those who finally succeed in their pursuit are those who learn from their failures. Edison, for example, before inventing the light bulb, had experimented hundreds of times to find just the right material for filament that glow well and last long. And he failed hundreds of times. But he was not to be encumbered; instead, he considered the previous failures as great fortunes, because at least he knew which materials could be excluded. He used his failures as steps all the way up to his final success. The saying, failure is the mother of success, holds the same grain of truth as the title of this essay.

 

Failures not only enable us to learn from our mistakes, but also prepare us for tougher adversities. When tempered by failures, we generally develop psychological immune system against various kinds of hardship, and we can never be intimidated by any future difficulty. My friends often ask me why I can confront difficult situations and even possible failures with courage and ease, I always tell them that it’s because I have experienced greater hardship before. How can I, born in a family of extreme poverty, brought up in the days when one did not know where the next meal was from, and weathered by numerous struggles and failures to get into a decent high school and then a university, shiver in front of a circumstance, however severe it is? People who experienced hard fought failures build up far stronger mental strength than those who can always receive whatever they desire without a fight, and thus will survive them in real battle-like competition.

 

However, many people would challenge, “Is not a victory always better than a failure?” Of course, a victory, when gained through proper effort, has its own value. But an easy victory is different. Easy victory, especially when repeated, can often make people over-proud of themselves, and at the same time lack of experience and resilience to deal with real difficulties. And when people form the habit of taking victories for granted, they will soon lose them. Therefore, a loss, when fought with utmost efforts, weighs far more valuable than victories that are easy to come by.  

宝宝，你今天三岁了。三岁就意味着宝宝进入了一个新的成长阶段，再也不是一个婴儿，而是一个儿童了。从三岁开始，你就要和其他小朋友一样，上幼儿园，学习各种知识，音乐的，语言的，数学的知识，更重要的是，你将正式的学会和其他同龄伙伴做朋友，形成自己的天地，你的世界里，再也不是仅仅只有爸爸妈妈，还有老师，同学，朋友。宝宝，爸爸告诉你，这是一个更加好玩，更加多姿多彩的世界，尽管你还没有意识到这点，但是你一定会喜欢上它的，从中你将学到一切你喜欢的东西。 

而且，你已经长大了，宝宝，爸爸也不能，也不会把你关在一个狭小的世界里。这两天爸爸到深圳上课，才没有几天，发现你又学会了使用很多大人才会用的词汇。动作行为更像是个小大人了。比如当你不高兴的时候你会说，“爸爸，我好烦。”爸爸批评你，你会抗议说，“爸爸，你骂我，我不高兴了。”然后乖乖的听话。爸爸好长时间没有陪你，你会说，“爸爸你怎么老是上班。”爸爸在知道你都可以用抽象的词汇描述自己的心情了，小小的你已经开始有了一点点的烦恼和忧伤。有时候你睡在床上，爸爸就在一边默默的看着你熟睡，好像感到每分钟你都在长大；有时候，看着你躺在床上的长度，好像比站着的时候长大多了，回想起你刚出生的时候才是爸爸的两个手掌那么大，每顿也只喝25毫升的牛奶，爸爸不禁唏嘘感叹，又想到去年你多病的时候，医生说也只有等到三岁之后才渐渐好起来，当时就想你什么时候才能长到三岁啊！ 

现在你终于三岁了，爸爸怎么不高兴！而且你已经连续三个月没有患哮喘了，现在的你身体紧棒结实的，爸爸怎么不高兴！好多天以来，爸爸一直在期盼着你三岁生日的到来。为了庆祝你三岁，上上个星期爸爸妈妈带你去看了变形金刚，买了玩具。看电影的时候，别提你多认真了，看到精彩惊险的时候，你会用小手遮住眼睛，但是又怕错过哪怕一个镜头，又从小手下面偷看。当天的影院里，基本上都是家长带着小孩去看电影，爸爸看着你高兴的样子，自己也真是感到心满意足，感到自己还是一个称职的爸爸。一个称职的爸爸不就是能常常陪伴宝宝的爸爸吗？带你去看电影，那是你人生中第一次看电影，你对它的影响是多么深刻啊，甚至到今天，你还能回忆起里面汽车变机器人的情节。 终于到了你生日的今天，妈妈也出差回来，爸爸早就把你定好了蛋糕。下午你也爷爷奶奶去拿回来的时候，还在一楼爸爸就听到你呼喊着“爸爸妈妈，我们买了一个大大的蛋糕，还有蜡烛！”然后就是一溜烟跑到五楼来。六点多的时候，正好要下大雨，乌云把天压得黑蒙蒙的，妈妈7点就要走，晚上要去出差，所以我们要提前给宝宝过生日了！连天公都作美。好漂亮的蛋糕啊，上面画着一个小猴子，写着“祝古松云生日快乐”的字样。宝宝都等不及了了，好吧，打开蛋糕，点上蜡烛，爸爸妈妈唱着你也会生日快乐歌，我们三人一起把蜡烛吹灭了，然后是分蛋糕，你说，妈妈一份，宝宝一份，爷爷一份，奶奶一份，爸爸一份，你就吃白色的奶油，和做成小猴子的巧克力，把整个小脸弄得都是雪白的奶油，这么个短短的幸福的时刻，爸爸都用DV录下来了，宝宝，在你长大，能看得懂这篇日记的时候，你会不会翻出当年的录像，看着看着会心的笑呢？ 

欧阳老师今天邀我到他家安装电脑网络，一想宝宝上次去他家和他们的小侄孙女玩的那个高兴劲，

我就说，宝宝，我们又到那个姐姐家玩好吗？

宝宝马上兴奋得丢下手头的玩具嚷着，快走，快走。

看着我开了门他还没有穿好鞋，急得直叫，等等我！等等我！

他哪里知道，我正是要看他这种着急可爱的样子，故意逗他的。

到了欧阳老师家，他就跟到自己家一样到处玩，吩咐小姐姐把多多的玩具拿出来。

可是小女孩马上就要睡觉去了，师母说，他们的小孩每天都要在8点钟睡觉的。

大概半小时过后，我帮欧阳老师设置好网络，就带着宝宝离开了。

看得出来虽然没能够和他的小伙伴玩，他也是十分的开心。说，爸爸，我们天天到姐姐家玩，啊？

 

老婆告诉我，那个小女孩其实不知道多想出来玩，中间从卧室里出来三次，三次都被叫回去了。

我顿时有点为她感到一点悲哀。

也许是教育理念的不同吧，又或许是女孩的缘故，他们想要孩子十分听话，有规矩，彬彬有礼。

但是我想，几岁大的小孩，为什么一定要用条条框框来限制他呢？

况且，大人眼里看来正确的东西，在小孩看来，不一定就是对的。

 

我希望的就是让宝宝在最自由的环境里，无忧无虑的成长。

在宽厚仁爱滋润下长大的孩子，自然能体会到父母的深切的爱，就像是今天，

宝宝在师母分果子给他吃的时候，知道把其中的一个带给房间里的爸爸。

 

Yesterday I took my son to register into the kindergarten. He will be three years old in two months, and it is about time for him to receive some pre-school education. Attending kindergarten offers him a chance to learn how to get along with other children of his own age, by playing and studying together with whom, he will surely learn much more than staying at home and with his parents and grandparents. His world will no longer be confined within the walls of our small apartment, and he will meet more characters in the little fairytale adventures of his early childhood life.

 

My son seemed to be very cheerful and even a little excited on our way to the kindergarten which is only a short walk away. My wife and I, in order to prepare him for his schooling, had been cultivating in him all the concepts of going to school, in such a casual way that he accepted them so readily and naturally that, when I declared that I was going to register him, he leapt to his feet and could not even wait for another minute to go out.

 

However, there was a touch of sadness in my heart when I held his hand and led him down the stairs of our apartment building. How quickly and unnoticeably the time had slipped through my gripping fingers, trying in vain to stop it: all of a sudden, my son is old enough to go to school. I still remember that only less than twelve months ago, when my son was struggling for his life against asthma, how humbly and desperately I prayed to God to let my son grow up quicker so that he could develop the needed immunity against the disease, and now, almost in a flash of mind, he is almost three years old.

 My happiness of having a taller and healthier son soon prevailed over the little sadness and we entered the kindergarten with light hearts. I had taken my son to play in it several times before, as a way of eliminating his fear of a strange environment, and I was content with the facilities on the playground, but I had never had any opportunity to get to know the teachers. Yet the moment I entered the chief teacher’s office, I was almost convinced that this was the right place for my son, for upon our entering the room, the affable middle-aged teacher greeted my son with lovely little questions, which immediately turned into conversations, for my son, usually timid and shy outside, clearly was reassured enough by the attractive and tender voice to respond to each of them. And the teacher, whenever receiving a reply, never failed to shower her compliments on my son. If the chief teacher is so agreeable, patient, and experienced in dealing with children, I can infer that the rest should not be far away from her.

宝宝，很久没有写东西给你了。是不是因为你回到了爸爸的身边，而且身体又十分健康，爸爸幸福的感觉都没有办法一下子完全享受，都没有空来写文章了呢？还是因为你现在的语言能力完全可以和爸爸作面对面全方位的交流，以至于写文章都变成了多余的事呢？

 

幸福的人都感觉时间过得好快，一转眼你回到广州已经有快一个月了。现在爸爸脑海里还浮现出从湖南赶往江西时的情景，那一路的灰尘就如同爸爸心头的疑虑笼罩着整个行程。爸爸担心的是你会不会回到广州之后有如从前一样老是生病，以药代饭呢。

 

但是爸爸这次已经做好了所有的准备，就是要把你带到父母的身边。我们已经把家搬回了学校里，想着这里白云山清新的空气一定使你过敏性支气管炎得到康复。在五一爸爸去湖南跟同学聚会的时候，其实我想的最多的还是你。当时心里还是担心，如果你回到广州了，住在学校里还是反复咳嗽的话，爸爸还是要把你送到广西或是江西去。现在看来这种担心是多余了。

 

爸爸到江西的时候你已经开始感冒了，流着清鼻涕。我和妈妈都担心的很，因为以前这样的现象太多了，先是流鼻涕，然后是咳嗽，最后是哮喘，再就是肺炎。我五月三号到外婆家见到你，已经流涕一天了，第二天到宜春，晚上要坐火车时，已经咳嗽很厉害了。我和妈妈都十分担心，但是已经没有时间吊针了，到韩医生那里打了一针消炎的林可，第二天一到广州，发现病情没有恶化，爸爸知道你的抵抗力比以前有了很大的改善，如果在从前，一个晚上你的病就会恶化到哮喘肺炎。之后到医院打了两天吊针，你就完全康复了。和从前不同的是，这次，你一直到现在都没有在发病。有的说是因为你长大了，抵抗力强了，但是我看来主要的原因还是学校的环境更好。

 

为了能在学校里住，爸爸只好把原来的家租出去，这样才能收支平衡。在交房的前一个礼拜，爸爸带你回到原来的家玩，没想到你完全还记得我们的原来的家，尽管它给我们留下的基本是痛苦的记忆。回到学校，你吵着哭着要回到“那边那个家”，但是爸爸知道你回到那里去，一定适应不了外面的污染。就是当天带你去玩，你就不断的在打喷嚏，这可是过敏的症状啊。以后等你长大了，我们再搬回去，好吗？

 对了，妈妈最近要把你的名字改了，说在网上易经的算命结果是这个名字不好，半凶半吉，主要是体弱多病，妈妈一看估计是吓了一跳。你知道吗，你的名字是太爷爷起，之前爸爸给你起过一个名字，叫古修齐，妈妈一查，发现那是一个满分的名字，大吉大利，马上决定用回原来的名字。所以，宝宝，从今以后，你就叫古修齐。

Hamlet was tormented by the question: to be or not to be? Only several days before, the same type of question had also haunted me for nearly a month. My version of the Hamlet question was: to stay or to go?

 

I had applied for doctorial program of two universities, GDUFS and CSU namely, and had taken the entrance exam of GDUFS, and I will take that of CSU a week later. I thought I would have no chance of getting admitted by GDUFS at all, but the exam result turned out to be more promising than I expected, and Professor Wu, the chief examiner and a possible supervisor for me, said that I could be ‘counted’ as one of her PhD students, and I could began doing some peripheral research this September, on the conditions that I have to wait until next year to be officially enrolled. As for CSU, I had already got the promise from my former supervisor of postgraduate program that I would definitely be admitted this year. The question now is: should I stay here in GDUFS and begin my doctorial program next year, or should I go to CSU in Changsha to be a PhD student this fall?

 

If I stay, I will enjoy some advantages. First, I don’t have to travel back and forth between two cities, almost 800 kilometers away from each other. Traveling to and fro once a week can make both my teaching job here in Guangzhou and my study in Changsha a lot more difficult, and the train tickets will certainly cost me a fortune (yes, for me, 1000 a month is a big fortune ). Second, I can stay with my family while ‘serving’ my PhD years. Seeing my son and my wife every day is different from seeing them every week. I can be worry-free, knowing that if my family needs me, I can be there for them any minute. The warmth and support of the family can also greatly ease the tedium of my research work. Third, GDUFS is more academically prominent than CSU in terms of English research. Studying in GDUFS under the supervision of famous scholars will certainly benefit my future academic career, not to mention the bountiful opportunity of studying abroad. Lastly, since I have got my MA in CSU, it is much advisable for me to get my PhD somewhere else, to avoid the so-called academic inbreeding.

 

Many of my colleagues and friends also perceive clearly the benefits of staying in GDUFS, and advise me to begin my PhD here. But another voice, calling from a dark corner inside my consciousness, urges me to go to Changsha. It keeps telling me that what I have got from Professor Liu is only a promise, a promise which could go empty, should anything happen. But if I choose to go to Changsha, my admission will be a bird in hand. Another benefit is that since Mr. Zhang, who had been my supervisor for three years before, is very familiar with my research field and my research ability, he will be able to guide me through the academic pursuit much better than someone who does know anything about me.

With both forces dragging me to opposite directions, I was nearly torn into pieces. But my agony soon ended. The dilemma was resolved by a message from Mr. Zhang, asking me to make a final decision. Reluctantly, I elected staying in GDUFS, even if it meant I would have to take the risk of not being admitted a second time next year, and that I might be humiliated by some ill-intentioned gossips from those people waiting for the chance to slash at me with all their scorns. Maybe deep down in my heart, I had already made the decision, but I just pretended that it was not there, not willing to face its consequences until the last minute. Now that there is no more swaying between two poles, I can finally set my heart at peace at least for some time. Of course, there will be more worries and dilemmas in the future, but just leave them for the future.

The three-day ordeal of examinations for doctorial program came to an end, and when I came out of the examination room this morning, I was greatly relieved, like a full bow suddenly let loose. But whether the arrow finally hits the target is something out of my control now: I have done my best.

 

There were times when I almost gave up. The Japanese test was so difficult that I understood only half of the questions and reading passages. Literary test centered on the applications of critical theories to specific classics chosen from two great English literature traditions shining with stars of numerous masterpieces. How is anyone supposed to have read all of them, and simultaneously be familiar with the multitude of abstruse literary theories? So I finished only three of five compulsory questions, which means, even if I answered them perfectly, sixty would be the highest score I could get. The third test paper was essay-writing. Writing English essay has always been my horror. Though I write in English frequently in my blog, writing for an exam is certainly different. There is always the pleasure of writing for the purpose of self-entertainment, but only pain for an exam. In an exam, I have to finish an essay within a time limit, which is so limited that it leaves me no chance to revise my composition. The most dreadful of all, however, is that my compositions will be graded by the would-be supervisors (if I have any chance at all), who, with a far greater mastery of English, will snort in contempt at my writing. The last written exam was about the major course: literary criticism, which is my only stronghold. But it turned out to be no less arduous than the previous papers. I kept scribbling words onto the answer sheet as quickly as my hand could move the pen, only to be halted by the ending ring with one question unanswered. There were only four questions in all. I am a very slow writer, but possibly a very quick speaker. So this morning, when I was waiting for my turn for the interview with the supervisors, I was hoping oral exam would be my best chance of winning the admission. During the interview, except the first one or two minutes, I was not nervous as I had used to be. I thought I did myself justice in the interview, for I was rewarded by the positive comments from one of the two examiners, but because of my poor performance in written exams, even my best chance is only a glimmering light.

 

But when there is light, there is hope. And I will keep putting wood into the glimmering fire, until it simmers and flames, and finally brightens my journey ahead.

宝宝，送你和妈妈上车之后，爸爸一路迷迷糊糊的出火车站，上公汽，街灯，路人，各式的汽车，转眼之间不知道怎么的就到家了—你说，这是爸爸家，是啊，是爸爸家，也是你的家，但是自从你去年患上哮喘之后，你就几乎没有好好的在家里住过几天。爸爸今天下车之后在车窗外透过窗帘看着你和妈妈，多么希望我们一家人能够像别人一样朝夕相处啊。从广西回来的这几天，是爸爸最快乐的几天，我们三个人一块，天天都在一起。早上你叫爸爸妈妈起床，白天跟妈妈在一起，晚上爸爸回来的时候你就会准确的认出爸爸的响动来给爸爸开门，和爸爸妈妈玩游戏，一起上床睡觉，这些对爸爸来说，就是神仙般的日子。爸爸是那么的爱你，可是命运作弄，不让我们长期相处在一起。你在广州的时候，总是没完没了的生病，为了你的健康，爸爸每次都是忍着离开你的痛苦，把你送到爷爷家或是外婆家去。而聪明的你也知道珍惜和爸爸在一起的时光，总是特别的听话，懂事。生病了，爸爸是你唯一依偎的人，高兴了，爸爸是你最好的玩伴，就连晚上睡觉都会腾出地方来，生怕爸爸没有位置睡。半夜里的梦话也是对爸爸说的话。可是造化弄人，爸爸和你在一起的时光总是那么的短暂，而那短暂的幸福总是要以痛苦的看着你生病为代价，难道幸福便是那浴血而鸣的荆棘鸟吗。春节爸爸没有回去的时候，你好好的什么病都没有，爸爸一回去你就哮喘复发了。回到广州，没几天，你又发高烧了。难道是爸爸妈妈没有照顾好你吗？为了不让你着凉，爸爸每天晚上几乎不敢入睡，可是还是没能照顾好你。我想一定是因为广州的空气和水质的原因。为了这爸爸想过离开广州到别的城市去。真的，如果你适应不了广州，爸爸一定会离开这个地方。在广州即使没有生病，你的脸色也没有在广西的时候红晕。带着你回广州的时候，爷爷奶奶到姑姑姐姐都舍不得你走，全家人依依不舍的送我们到车站去，但是如果说舍不得，天底下还有谁比爸爸对你更加难分难舍，在广西生病的时候，整个县城几乎找不到能够很好的控制住你的病情的医生，但是如果在江西，即使生病了，那里也有一个对你的病最有办法的韩医生，在乡下，你能养好身体的话，我们以后就能在一起。

 

进到家来，一切还是那样子，到处是你乱扔的玩具，家里还清晰的留有你的气息和你天真的话语，还有的小自行车，回到广州这几天，你最爱玩自行车了。可惜爸爸不能送你们到江西，否则一定会把它带过去。看着桌子上那些吃过的药瓶，哦，我可怜的宝宝，你几乎每天都在吃药。别的小孩三五岁了吃药还哭闹，你吃药却要争着吃，别的小孩打吊针还大哭大闹，你只说有点疼，不是因为你不知道苦，不知道痛，是因为相比生病的痛苦来，你都知道选择打针吃药。再也不要生病了，去年你在江西的时候有三个月没有生病，是你患哮喘以来最长的时间，这次你回去，如果能够一年不在复发，随着你慢慢长大了，相信病魔会远离你而去。到那个时候爸爸有每天都能够和你在一起了。这次你去江西，爸爸还要在这边上班，到五一节的时候爸爸就去江西看你，两个月的时间不会太长，爸爸会天天想你，打电话给你。好在妈妈还在你身边，你不会感觉到不适应乡下生活的。两个月之后，我的宝宝又长高长大了，爸爸到时候也考完试，我们在好好的在一起。

再过三天，就可以见到你了，宝贝。

 

原来打算给学生们上课，晚一点过去，但是一旦放了假，我的心早已飞到广西，拿和你在一起的时间来上课，无论多少钱我都不愿意。于是我就买了星期天的票。

 

我的心啊，哪里能等到星期天。天天晚上都会梦到你。

 

尽管每天我都会打电话去，但它如同几滴露水，如何能够解除思念的饥渴。你爷爷说你现在什么都好，长高了，壮了，什么病也没有，我也高兴，但是多么想马上见到你是什么样子的。三个星期了，一定变了不少。

 

问你要什么玩具，你说不要了，浪费钱。这是我早先教你的，还记得呢。不过，还是要给你玩具车，你是那么喜欢车子，晚上睡觉都抱着睡。这次回去，你不会像前几次一样，一开始会对爸爸有点陌生吧？

I once told my students that I always had double feelings at the end of each semester; that while I felt greatly relieved when the arduousness of teaching drew to an end, I was somewhat guilty of not being able to have accomplished what the job expected me to. The thought that I could have done better perpetually stung my heart, leaving a mixture of sadness and remorse. There were no more weeks for me to compensate, and that made the feeling even bitterer.

 

Yet when I finished scoring the students’ the final oral exams, the bitterness ebbed away, bit by bit, until it was completely engulfed by my contentment, with even a little complacency. I felt happy because my students demonstrated great improvement in their oral English ability in the final exam. Not only did most of them make enormous progress in their pronunciation and intonation, but also in their language fluency and accuracy. When I recalled how they did their presentation at the beginning of the semester, I was amazed (happily) at the significant difference. Three months ago, many of my students were perplexed by the awkward phonetics such as “l” “th”, and “g”, frustrated by simple grammatical mistakes such as incorrect use of tenses, and so depressed by their limited vocabulary that they faltered all the way through their presentations. And now, they seemed to be beaming with confidence and self-assurance. I remember I once warned them that they were not far superior in English to my non-English major students as expected, but now it is apparent that after three months, they have far surpassed their counter-parts. Was it because of my spurring inspiration that they improved so much? I think so, at least to some degree. Yet I am certain that my classroom teaching could not have done so much for them. If my teaching has helped them in any way, it is the inspiration in it that urges them to study BY THEMSELVES AFTERCLASS. Teaching, as I understand it, means nothing taught in the classroom, but what it directs student to do after class.

 

Off all my six English major classes, I am very satisfied with class six and class one. They are my favorite. That’s why I remember almost every name in those two classes, while I am only impressed by a dozen in all other four classes. Class four, five, and three are in the middle. No one in them is brilliantly out-standing, nor is anyone lagged far behind. They are like a group of soldiers in the same uniform, marching forward in very close formation, with very little space apart from each other. I actually have no deep impression of them, except that it’s very difficult to score them, because I never know who is better than whom. I can’t score them the same, can I?

 

Class two worries me a lot. This is the class I used to teach in the afternoon. Oh, how much I hate teaching in the afternoon with the weariness from lack of sleep and the stiffness from the nap with my head and forearms on the desk in the office. The students are drowsy too, wakened up in the middle of their noon sleep. And the 80 minutes always passed without anyone realizing it or knowing what had been done. If the guilt still persists somewhere deep in my heart, this is where it comes from. Why they fell behind other classes is beyond my understanding. They seemed to be interested in the course, active in the classroom, motivated at my encouraging words, and satisfied when the class was over. Yet all this did not yield good harvest. Not that I did not like the class and treated them unfavorably: there are quite a few fellows I like very much, and I even invited some of them to dinner. Maybe they took my critical comments on the currents teaching principles in our department wrong, so much they were somewhat downcast rather than inspired. One student actually grew so cynical  that he took a rebellious tactic to whatever others said it is right to do. My fault. How I wish I could start it all over again, and then I would do it otherwise.

英语教育系的同学让我写一篇如何学英语的文章，我不假思索就答应下来了。回到家里才感到惶恐而惭愧。倒不是因为期末繁忙紧张，腾不出时间来写文章，而是因为以自己的水平，要谈如何学英语，十分勉为其难了。自己绝非大家，更不是什么学有成者，文章写出来难免会贻笑大方。但既然任务已经领了回来，也只有硬着头皮写，如果同学们读来还感觉有一点收获，则是额外的惊喜了。

还记得与同学们聊到压力的问题时，同学谈到最多的恐怕就是学习上的压力，而学习上的压力又来自英语的过级考试，什么CET4，TEM4等等。殊不知这些考试无非就是能力考试，只要你的英语能力高了，这些考试不过是小菜一碟。那么如何提高我们的英语能力或说水平呢？我想先把学习英语的一些误区列出来，分别指出它们的盲点，以期望从中获得一些洞见。

其一，很多同学认为英语是老师教出来的。我经常听到很多同学抱怨，一年过去了，甚至是四年过去了，老师没有教给他什么东西，我看这就是最大的误区。北京外国语大学的周燕教授曾说：“英语是学出来的，不是教出来的，”对于这点，我是百分百信服。期盼老师在课堂上能够交给你多少知识点，既不正确，也不现实。大学不同于高中，学生们一定要学会自己掌握自己的学习内容，进程，方法等等，这是其一；其二，一个老师在80分钟的时间内所能讲解的很少，而语言学科不同于其他学科，它需要大量的原始语言素材的输入积累，没有课后的大量学习，不可能达到应有的量，有了量，才会带来质的变化。课堂上的英语学习是远远不够的。有的同学问，如果英语不是教出来的，那么老师有什么作用呢？这个问题其实也是教学科研里一个热门领域，简单的说，老师的功能应该是一个推动者（facilitator）。他能给予学生正确的学习方法，判断学生的不足，提出建议等等，唯独不能做的就是把知识填鸭似的灌输给学生。回想起我在大学时候的英语学习，由于自己是非英语专业的学生，根本没有机会和英语老师进行英语口语交流，没有享受到英语专业学生习以为常的全英教学，老师上的课完全是传统的看文章，翻译，讲解语言点的教学方法，但就是在那种条件下，老师课堂上一点点关于学习方法的点拨都极大地推动了我的英语课外学习。每个星期盼来的英语课，都是展现自我的平台，表现积极的我，自然也得到老师的更多指点。我想如果我们的同学也有这样的态度，英语学习应该会得到极大的提高。

其二，很多同学认为英语学习有很多的技巧，这也是一个很大的误区。市面上有很多各种各样的英语学习方法，什么“傻瓜英语，”“速成英语”“英语学习革命”“疯狂英语”等等，不过是为了挣钱而招摇过市。我国著名的英语专家刘润清教授说，“相信‘疯子英语’，‘傻瓜英语’就是相信旁门左道。”窃以为一语中的。学习英语不可能有什么捷径可走，只有考英语的技巧，没有学英语的技巧。你可以狂一点，疯一点，但是那只能克服你的羞涩心理，如果仅此而已，完全没有必要一遍遍大声不知所以的喊英语，不仅没有必要，还是十分有害的。我记得李阳最初到湖南大学演讲的时候，一个大礼堂几千人一起跟着他喊“I can speak English.”但是我仔细一听，就这么一句简单的英语，周围发音准的没有一个，喊出来的只能是四不像。学习英语要讲究踏踏实实下苦功夫，就是有什么英语学习的方法，也是建立在长期的努力学习基础上摸索出来的。踏踏实实的学习就需要有耐心和恒心，没有恒心，英语学习只能是几分钟的热度，三天打鱼两天晒网一辈子也学不好英语。所以有的人问我，英语难学吗？我说你说它难，它却不难，因为只要你花足功夫，就一定能学会，凡是有能力学好汉语的人，都能学会英语；你说它容易，却有很多人没有能真正学好，难就难在没有多少能坚持下来。

其三，很多同学认为高科技可以替代学习过程和记忆。现在科技发展了，不仅是各种各样的学习工具蜂拥而至，学习资源也是取之不尽，用之不竭。在我的几个班上，几乎每个同学手里都有一部文曲星之类的电子词典，大部分同学宿舍里都有电脑，网络上有无尽的视频音频文本资源。回想起当年我买到一盘VOA磁带时的兴奋之情，看看现在满天飞的多媒体学习资料，只能惊叹“当今世界殊”，可是现在同学的英语学习水平比过去高很多了吗？我看未必。高科技的学习用具用的好，确实可以帮助提高学习效率，但是用的不好，反受其害。就比如电子词典吧，诚然可以快速的帮助同学们了解一个英文单词的汉语意思，但是文曲星上的不过是失去语境的翻译，从文曲星上查来的词用在口语，作文里，只能是变味的英文。例如说，我不仅一次听到同学们说：We need to propaganda the awareness of protecting the environment. 一个词确切的含义用法，只能在英文字典中查到，一个词的准确用法，也只能通过在具体的语境中学习来掌握。又比如说，网上丰富的电子多媒体资源，往往我们在面对它们的时候，总有无从选择的困惑。古人说，“心头书要多，案头书要少。”就是说资料多了，不能安心的读一些精品书籍。网络用多了，经典书本看的就少了，电视电影视频材料多了，写和读的就少了。总而言之，重要的是把握好一个度。现在我看书，时常有意识的不把电脑打开，免得受它的干扰，搬出一本经典名著来，有滋有味的读上一两个小时，那是何等的快意！

好了，现在可以来谈谈如何踏踏实实的学英语了。我时常主张同学们应当在大学一二年级打好英语的基本功，也就是听说读写的基本技能。听力可以使用各种广播电视节目等作为泛听材料，每天一个小时左右足矣，不可过量，同时要辅以精听，我建议做听写。每天听写一条两到三分钟的新闻即可。无论使用什么方法，要尽力把听力文字写下来，在这个过程中要注意有意思提高速度，还要和原文进行对比，相信一两年后一定卓有成效。口语要从发音入手，先把语音语调练好，对促进自己的自信心有极大的好处。练习语音语调，除了听磁带模仿跟读，别无它法。如果没有大量的模仿的话，多少发音的理论都没有用。我建议跟读English 900或New Concept English，读熟了，句子自然记住了，英语也就脱口而出。课后练习好了，课堂上积极的运用，展现自己，让老师看到自己的进步和努力。然后就是大量的阅读。我建议还是回到经典的文学名著上去。一个大四的英语专业的毕业生没有读过几本英文名著，是几近可笑的事。刚开始的时候，阅读名著可能会困难，但是我认为有五千左右的词汇就可以开始了，生词多，查一查字典，读完一两本下来，就豁然开朗了。大量的阅读还对我们的口语也有极大的帮助，语言输入多了，输出就水到渠成，我们的同学往往能够说一些简单的英语，但是往往没有多少内容，归根结底还是输入少的问题。最后就是写作，这是最难的，也是我的弱项，我想把自己的做法说出来，与大家共勉吧。同样的，写作不能被老师教出来，只能被写出来。最近在《外语界》读到一位英语名家说英语写作最少要一周一篇（2006年第三期），看完之后我一直汗颜，就是这个标准，我都一直没有做到。

最后，不要再去看什么英语学习技巧的文章了，马上开始学习吧！

下了课，出到门口来，不一会就听到了叮叮的声音，太熟悉了，回头一看，原来是位中年男子，背着一个背篓，上面写着麦芽糖的字眼，不十分工整，亦有几分粗糙，却格外的亲切。这不是我小时候的最爱吗？

 

公开学院位处市郊，要不是到这里来上课，哪里还有机会看到这童年的记忆？只是不知道还是那原来的味道吗？急忙停下来，买了一小袋，时光似乎就回到了二十多年前－－一个小男孩，跟在一位云游四方的匠人后面，簇拥着要买他的叮叮糖吃，那时它几乎就是唯一的零食了，天天盼星星盼月亮般地等着那叮叮的声响，而妈妈也不会扫兴，总是给哥儿几个硬币，哄的一声，就都追着去了。

 

这位中年男子看起来已经不想小时候见到的那么高大而神秘了，他看上去甚至有点沉默而拘谨，七分朴实三分潦倒。有多少人还会喜欢吃麦芽糖呢？城里的孩子连饭都吃不下。游街串巷的兜售，勉强能糊口就不错了。我不禁又多买了几块钱，只见他熟练的用小铁锤在小钢铲上叮叮两声，嫩白的糖块早已跳将出来，微微的散发出那种独特的香味。

 

等他刚一离去，马上把一块放到嘴里，香香滑滑甜甜丝丝软软腻腻的，不是童年的味道又是什么！可如今细细一品来，却已经别有一番滋味在心头了。

I just got the news this Monday that I would be shifted to teach classes from other colleges instead of the ones I am currently teaching from my college, English Education Institute. Some uneasiness intruded when I heard the news. It kept me thinking for the rest of the day about the possible reasons for the transfer.

 

There could only be three reasons. First, maybe it’s just because of the usual practice of my college. It has a conventional rule that every semester the teachers should exchange their classes so that the students would not experience what is called the ‘aesthetic fatigue’ by having the same old guy walk into the classes and talk to them in the same old voice every week all the year round. This is a plausible excuse. I will have no objection to it, if it’s because of this that they changed my classes. And it’s very much likely so. I’ve got the confirmation from Zhoujie, who assured me in person that it was the usual practice. What can I say, though I have planned to teach the same students next semester?

 

Second, it could be that I irritated some leaders of the college by challenging their teaching methods and criticizing their administrative management of undergraduate education within the college. I admit that I may have said something very unpleasant to their ears, and somehow the innocent students passed the words to the persons related and they were pretty much irritated. However, I did it only for the very benefits of the students and the healthy development of the college, and even if I made some improper comments, they shouldn’t have overreacted. If it’s because of this that I would be transferred, I don’t care, not even a bit, so long as I have done an excellent job in my teaching, so long as the students are satisfied with my teaching.

 

However, it would upset me very much if it’s because of the discontent from the students. I know there are at least a small number of students who do not think very high of my teaching for good reasons, because even from my own perspective I am to some degree not satisfied with my job. Looking back on my teaching for the last three months, I confess I could have done better. There’s so much to be desired. Though it’s almost impossible for any teachers to meet everyone’s demand, it’s their responsibility to endeavor to be perfect in every way. Knowing what experience I have accumulated along the way, I shall be able to teach much better next semester. If one day, after a semester is over, I can say goodbye to my students without the guilt of not having been able to do better, it is then the day I can label myself a successful teacher.

 

Whatever the reason might be, it is a fact already that I shall be transferred to other classes. When I told my students the news, many of them urged me not to leave, and encouraged me to fight for my right to stay. I am really grateful for their being so considerate as not to hurt my feeling. It’s because of these students that I keep doing this job for such a long time, and it’s from these students that I gain the only pleasure in my teaching.

Two weeks from now, I will get you back to my side, baby. Whenever I think of this, my heart flies away, over a thousand mile distance to be with you. I don’t remember how many times I have counted the days and checked the calendar, so anxiously that I wish I could tear off two leaves from the table calendar. Now, with the date draws near, I am almost holding my breath for the moment I get on board the train to Jiangxi. Although the trains passing through the province are always over-crowded, and it’s very likely your mother and I will not have the seat tickets, and have to stand in the aisle, struggling to keep us from collapsing because of the soreness, numbness, and drowsiness, as we did last time we went to see you, all these agonies and pains are nothing compared with the joy of being together with you.

 

The idea of not taking you back struck me once, but I immediately wiped it out. That thought occurred only because I was told that you were there perfectly healthy. Health is my primary concern. I still shudder in fear and repent of every mistake that may have played a part in causing the prolonged illness this summer. If you can stay away from any ailments in Jiangxi in the countryside, why should I take you back to Guangzhou, back into the harsh environment of dirty air, filthy water, and unhealthy food? But the life without you is not worth living. Every night my heart is gnawed by the obsessive reminiscence of the time with you. Every object at home recalls your little innocent figure to me. There are endless traces of you. The scattered toys here and there are still in the places where you left them, intact, mute, and covered with dust, as if they were waiting for you to return and take them into your hands. The colorful lines and circles and numbers you drew on the walls remain beautiful and vivid scribbles as if they were drawn just yesterday. The little clothes that are no long fit for you are carefully folded and preserved in the closet together with the lingering sweet scent of your little body. All these will be kindled alive from their repose when you come back, right at the moment you enter our home. And when you are here, I promise I will never let anything happen to you again. I have gone through very detail of what I did when you were ill, and I have learned a lot from the bitter experience. Trust me, baby, I will be a perfect father whose only mission is to protect you.

 

 

Mr. Xia, a very good friend of mine, came to Guangzhou last Monday on a business trip, and his visit added a different music to my somewhat monotonous life. H arrived in the city late at night, almost 10:30, a time when I am always reluctant to go out. I was prepared to meet him at 7 or 8 in the evening, for I expected his plane could take him to Guangzhou from anywhere in China, as he told me that it took off at 5:30. However, we were not disappointed at all by the delay, and as soon as we met each other, we plunged into the warm face to face conversation we had awaited for five years.

 

He didn’t change much, young, enthusiastic, and eloquent as he always was, the same arched nose under the casual, short hair indicating his talent and persistence in the business world. We talked about our careers, our friends, the time we shared in the past and the splendid future. We were sad and nostalgic at the irretrievable things in the past, yet content with what we have achieved, and excited at the uncertainties and possibilities in the future. We talked; we drank; and then talked. Two hours passed without a trace, and soon it’s time for us to say good bye.

 

When I arrived home, my wife was still waiting for me. I told her everything we talked about. It’s pity that she didn’t come with me. They should have had a lot of common interest to share, since both of them are doing marketing jobs. Although Xia is the general manager of the Chinese branch of an American company, he is a novice in sales, who only began his marketing job last month, while my wife has been a sales manager for more than a year, yet far weaker and less experienced in social relations in the business world.

 

Many of my students have asked me whether I feel inferior to my successful friends, and my answer is always negative. It’s true I am much less successful in terms of money, but I never feel self-contemptuous when I am with my friends. In fact, I do not even feel the least of uneasiness, not to mention the inferiority. They are successful in their own ways, and I am also successful in my own ways. Besides, I can feel my friends all have the same feeling when they are with me. Why do I have to debase myself, when all my friends think very high of me? Take Xia for example, he said he admired me, and even envied me in some way. I am sure that when he said so, he meant it literally and honestly.

 

As a college teacher, I may not earn as much money; I may not have respectable titles; and my life may not be as colorful, but I am a successful teacher who gains love, trust, respect, and recognition from my students. What’s more important is I can do the things I like. I enjoy going into the classes to be with my students and have fun together. I enjoy the challenges of manipulating the process of having classes, carefully choosing where to pause, where to turn and how to steer off obstructions. It seems as if I am a navigator, exploring the treacherous ocean unknown to human beings.

 

Of course, money problem bothers me once in a while, but I can always shake it off the moment it comes into my mind. After all, what I am seeking is being happy, not happier than others.